The Loss of...

 

The Loss of...

There are so many reasons we feel loss in our lives. We feel the loss of our youth, our time, our health, our friends and loved ones, our pets, and our children as they grow up and move away.

There are some areas we may not consider grief like when we lose jobs or choose to leave one, or when we have to walk away from old versions of ourselves because life requires us to change. 

We humans are built to be very adaptable. However, that doesn’t stop the loss that we feel through each stage and at each age of our lives.

There are micro losses over the years that weigh on us even if we think they are insignificant. Our bodies hold onto everything. Our systems are “emotion hoarders” that won't let go of anything we feel, no matter how small. 

As we lose an earring, break our favorite coffee cup, or drop our phone and shatter the screen, it adds up! If each loss were a colored dot on our skin, we’d be covered head to toe with them. We could vividly and clearly see how they add up over time.

My point? We. Keep. Score. And we feel these losses whether we admit it or not. We are connected to each of them and our bodies like to remind us, at the most inconvenient times, that we need to stop and take inventory of what we might be holding onto. 

We get headaches, anxiety, edgy, moody, a rash, our joints ache, and we may have a general tired feeling we can’t seem to shake off. This is our body's way of saying we are weighed down, stagnant and being inflexible.

We are fixated on attempting to solve our issues with food, substances, addictions, distractions and activities to keep our minds from wondering, bringing up the past, and reminding us of the pain of loss.

We refuse to allow the pain to be there. We fear it will consume us, and in some cases it has. Loss is powerful and it can push us to extreme behaviors, either of avoidance or deep sorrow and self pity. 

However, the point of pain, discomfort and bodily apparitions is to tell us we need to let go of something, forgive ourselves for being naive or for believing life should be perfect somehow. We have to grieve the losses and stop just blowing past them every time they arise. 

As a kid I was raised by my grandparents and many extended family members were like moms and dads to me too. I was very fortunate and received many toys, and things as a child from these people. As I got older I had several events that occurred where I had to move away to another town. After I left my grandmother passed away and many of my toys, and very meaningful and personal items were thrown away or lost. 

It took me years to grieve the loss of things my mother had given me, artwork and poetry that I created that I could never get back. Trinkets, jewelry, a music box and many other things I never had the chance to say goodbye to in my own way or in my own timing.

 For a long time I was hurt but I hid it. I felt embarrassed and shameful for even feeling the loss of these items. Because to someone else they were meaningless but to me they were snapshots of the beautiful souls that gave them to me, and of the small child processing her life through art and poetry. 

For me that was a pretty big loss and it’s taken me many years to clear the anger, hurt and loss from my mind and my body. The first time I allowed myself to feel this particular loss I cried like a 4 year old. Why? Because somewhere inside of me that 4 year old was hurt and felt betrayed and I had to let her cry. 

Over time, my inner teenager came online and wanted to yell at those who disregarded and disrespected her by not giving her the opportunity to speak into what had happened. She wanted to tell them off and cry and I let her. I let myself feel her loss, her anger and I felt my body relax in a way I hadn’t before. 

As I continue this journey, I still have this come up from time to time as I remember what else might have been amongst the items that are long gone. This allows me to feel and then release it and not hoard the emotions like I somehow deserve to stay angry and hurt.

Loss is something we will never eliminate from our lives. It’s part of our experience here on Earth. We can learn to navigate our minds' hallways full of memories and all the emotions and feelings connected to each. As we pass by the pictures in our minds and recall the feelings that arise, we can take a few minutes to allow the part of us trying to heal, to cry, be angry, shout at the sky, to grieve the loss in whatever way is needed, so that we can finally say goodbye, in our own time and in our own way.

No one way is the right way. Maybe as you allow yourself to review your mental pictures one by one, you will realize a method that allows you to let go which also allows your body to relax. You will naturally want to stop holding onto all of the emotions you’ve been refusing to let go of. 

One loss is still a loss, and if you can recall one, you probably have many more to sort through. You’ll need to let yourself ease into this practice a little bit at a time, which both prepares you for the arising emotions, and the eventual intensity of them.

Give yourself permission to let go. Give yourself permission to let other parts of you grieve too. You are a multifaceted being and all parts of you have a voice at your inner table. Remember to honor all of them, they will feel better as they let go in their own way and in their own time too.

~Dlynn W.